He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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