is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
