Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
