im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
