I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
