I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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