The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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