If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is Oprah even human
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
