haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
