Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
