I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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