Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Randomize
