I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
