I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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