Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
