I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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