I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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