I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
