i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
