dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
