she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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