what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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