Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
