Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
