problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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