worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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