So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
