Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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