Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
