girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
