Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
