we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
