I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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