Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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