hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
