I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
