wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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