I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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