let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
