My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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