I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
