so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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