maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
