Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
