last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
