fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
