she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
