Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
