I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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