we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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