I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
