I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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