Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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